Via this thread, I find that many (but not all) patriarchy-blamers believe it's immoral to have sexual fantasies about someone without their consent. Since it's usually creepy and inappropriate to ask a person's permission to fantasize about them ("Hi there, Mr. Barista. I was just wondering..."), this is effectively a rule against sexual fantasies about people you're not already intimate with. Most blamers think it's OK to fantasize about fictional characters, although I find the line to be rather blurry. Is Captain Jack Sparrow, as played by Johnny Depp, a real person or a fictional one? What about the fictional Alcibaides in The Symposium, who's based on a real political figure? Does the answer change if the person fantasizing has just watched a theatrical adaptation of The Symposium where the guy who played Alcibaides was totally hot?
I don't think that it's inherently wrong or immoral to fantasize about a real person. Rape fantasies are problematic on a whole bunch of levels, but I don't think that most men fantasize about rape. Certainly not most of the men I'm willing to interact with on a human level. I don't want to defend male entitlement either, and I realize that male entitlement can be played out in sexual fantasy. But there, the problem isn't that the guy is thinking about sex. The problem is that he's failing to think about women as human beings. Plenty of men are happy to treat women badly whether or not they're thinking about sex, so I'm just not convinced that sex is the special element here.
A lot of people seem to have a problem with situations where X fantasizes about Y doing things that Y would hate in real life. I don't think that's inherently bad (although it can be bad for other reasons, if X's fantasies are violent or sexist). Fag hag that I am, I've got a vested interest in approving of fantasies that the fantasizee wouldn't enjoy in real life. But I'm equitable; if one of my male friends likes to fantasize about, say, me enjoying missionary position intercourse, he's more than welcome. He'd better not ask me repeatedly to help him fulfill his desires (duh!), but he's welcome to fill the inside of his head in whatever way he sees fit. His lack of creativity may be unfortunate, but it's his problem, not mine. We can both be glad we're not telepathic.
Apropos of some of the later comments, I'm one of those weird people who fantasizes about food. I often daydream about what I'd like to cook, and how it would taste to combine ingredient X with ingredient Y. I'd feel really bad for somebody who could only fantasize about pre-made cheeseburgers, but I wouldn't condemn them morally.
Well, let's see if anybody from IBTP thinks I'm worth ripping to shreds. (That is NOT an invitation.)
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I used to worry about that in, like, junior high. Angst over budding lesbianism was a part of it, of course. but you know: it's RUDE to fantasize about someone else that you actually know, sexually, I think that was how it went. something. hard to recall, it was a good twenty years ago.
as far as i remember, though, fantasizing about someone i know being ripped apart by roving wolverines was never particularly verboted. not that i knew from wolverines, or roving, or was -that- hostile. just saying.
Wow belledamme222, way to put it more bluntly and trenchantly than I did. I'm a bit abashed.
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